Here’s a fun activity for your next Southwestern Advantage campus meeting: grab a friend and tell them that no matter what, they cannot smile. Next, sit across from them and smile. See how long they can last without smiling back. Most people last less than a minute before breaking into a grin. And all you did is smile at them!

            In the book “Social Intelligence,” psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph. D. describes how the human brain is truly a social organism. When we see an emotion on someone else’s face, our own faces naturally begin to mimic that expression and we actually begin to internalize that emotion ourselves. That’s why we cry at sad movies, and why laughter can be contagious. Goleman calls this synchronization of emotion and expression between two people “rapport.”

            But wait—isn’t establishing rapport the first part of the introduction in the Southwestern Advantage sales cycle?

            It sure is! Students in the Southwestern Advantage summer program learn that the first step in making a sale is to find a connection with their prospect. So how can we use this idea of rapport as emotional synchronization to help improve our ability to connect with Mrs. Jones?

            It’s pretty simple, actually. Most of us are guilty, at some point or another, of assuming that just because we drop a few names, our current prospect feels connected to us. And then we end up confused when the prospect doesn’t buy our product! The problem is that simply telling Mrs. Jones who else has bought your books doesn’t establish any sort of emotional connection. All it does is let her know that you’ve been trained in sales. To truly establish rapport through using names, we need to emotionally connect with our prospects.

            The best way to do this is by telling stories about your customers that elicit a shared emotional response. For example, if you know that Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Smith both have kids on the soccer team, sharing a story with Mrs. Jones about how frustrated Mrs. Smith was with long practices on a school night can remind her of her own frustration. (But remember to be ethical: only share true stories!) Because you are now both sharing the emotional experience of long practices, Mrs. Jones begins to feel connected to you. You have successfully created “rapport.”

            So for those of you frustrated with your attempts to establish a connection with your prospects, try creating that emotional synchronization. Hey, you could even ask them to try as hard as they can not to smile…

            Aside from using names during the summer more effectively, how else could you use the “emotional synchronization” understanding of rapport, either while selling or recruiting? Feel free to share in the comments section below!

For more information on Daniel Goleman and Social Intelligence, visit danielgoleman.info, or pick up the book from your local library!

First impressions are tricky.  People make rapid assumptions about new acquaintances.  Oftentimes, you can be mistaken about what you see and hear from a Southwestern candidate or a recruit. 

If you’re going to be working with someone you don’t know well, you need to manage the budding relationship, not just the first impression.   

Let’s explore an example.  If you’re following up with a new Southwestern team member and they show up late for the meeting, you have several options: 

1)     ignore the fact they’re 15 minutes late and proceed

2)     when (if) they apologize, say, “Oh, it’s no big deal.”

3)     Confront them politely. 

Early on in my Southwestern recruiting career, I would have opted for #2.  I valued the team member liking me above our business relationship.  If you pursue ignoring or excusing behavior you don’t appreciate, expect more of it.  When I said, “Don’t worry, it’s no big deal,” I was teaching that person how to treat me in the future.  I was unconsciously teaching them my time was not valuable.  Once I chose this interpersonal route, I couldn’t then be upset if they showed up late for other follow-ups. 

Option 3 might sound like this: “Jennifer, it’d be great for you to be on time when we meet again.  When you show up late, I feel like you don’t value my time…. I’m meeting with a bunch of students today, and it throws everyone off.  But I still like you!  I just wanted to let you know how I felt.”  Be sure to pause and let them feel a smidge uncomfortable. 

(Use judgment! If they’re just totaled their car and they’re bleeding, or if there’s been some calamity, you can cut them some slack. If they overslept, see above.) 

If you choose to let people know how you feel when they’ve violated one of your rules (in this case, punctuality), they will normally make adjustments.  If they are tardy again, you need to amp up the message, making it more uncomfortable.   

Punctuality is one example.  Teach people how to treat you in other areas: turning in completed reports, returning calls, responding to texts—there are many ways to let new team members know what behavior you want.  Feel free to comment!  Can you give me other examples—Southwestern or not—where this would be useful?

Dealing with stuckness during a Southwestern summer.

I travel to many weekend meetings during the summer.  On Sundays, I always meet with Southwestern students–many of whom are struggling–with their self-imposed limitations, with their belief levels in selling, with feelings of frustration because they’re not hitting their goals.  Invariably, they’re in a mental “death-loop”: their self-talk is negative, which leads to a mental image of what they don’t want, which leads to an outcome or action that confirms their self-talk!  A self-fulfilling sales prophecy that is limiting.

We’ve all done this in some way if we’ve sold with Southwestern: You look at a house and think to yourself: “I know I’m not going to get in.”  You form a mental picture of this negative outcome.  You muster up the courage anyway, knock and shock–you didn’t get in; then you tell yourself: “See! I knew that wouldn’t work.”  We don’t get what we want; we get what we picture.

So my PC (personal conference) might sound like this:

Me: “Tell me what’s happening.”

Student: “I just can’t get in doors.  People don’t let me in.  Ever.”

Me: “Really.  No one ever lets you in.”"

Student: “Well…some do.”

Me: “Tell me more.”

They go on to describe their stuckness in great detail.  Using all kinds of universal statements, like “everyone”, “no one”, “always” and “never”.  First person, present tense, with emotion.  All their assertions reinforce what they don’t want!

I finally counter with a key question: “What do you want to happen?” 

This usually brings an abrupt halt to their sad monologue.  Southwestern students who are locked into their mental morass are not often looking for solutions, and the new question interrupts their train of thought. They are wallowing in self-pity and a vicious self-defeating cycle.  After I ask, “What do you want to happen?” they typically give their right answer.  Example: “I want to get in doors so I can make a sale.”

My reply? “Great, let’s talk about how to do that.”  A how-to question allows us both to explore options and think about what the Southwestern student can do differently to reach a different outcome.  Most people who are suffering from stuckness are in the “why-question” mode: “why is this happening to me?” or “why can’t I get in doors?”  Breaking their state a bit with an entirely new question–”what do you want to happen?”–can launch the conversation into a much more useful area: the how-to-fix-this area.

If you’re selling (or studying or working out or feeling bad about yourself) and you’re mentally stuck, you don’t need me to PC you.  Ask yourself, “What do I want to happen?” or “How do I want to feel?”  Your brain will begin to give new & improved answers.  Thoughts?  Comments?  Southwestern veterans, chime in and let me know if this makes sense!

Kenny is engaging, warm, funny, self-deprecating and persistent.  He hi-fives his prospect (physical involvement), deflects questions about the price (the inquiry came during the “demo”), and closes repeatedly.  On the less admirable side, Kenny makes appeals to buying out of sympathy (a little) and not solely out of service. Yet on the positive side, he wears an ID badge!  Well done.  His entire approach/demo is performed (I chose that word carefully) at the door—quite the door demo!  Kenny does reference neighbors, but doesn’t use any names. 

Kenny says he is working to become a TV comedian, and his door to door selling is merely a “stepping stone” to greater fame and fortune.  What are your thoughts on his technique?  Would you consider him effective or off-putting?  Watch this 7:00 minute clip, and you decide whether this guy will make it big.  (Why didn’t anyone approach him for Southwestern?)

“Do you let the facts get in the way of a good story?

What do you do with people who disagree with you… do you call them names in order to shut them down?

Are you open to multiple points of view or you demand compliance and uniformity? [Bonus: Are you willing to walk away from a project or customer or employee who has values that don't match yours?]

Is it okay if someone else gets the credit?

How often are you able to change your position?

Do you have a goal that can be reached in multiple ways?

If someone else can get us there faster, are you willing to let them?

No textbook answers… It’s easy to get tripped up by these. In fact, most leaders I know do.”

So…how did you do?  Most of Seth’s questions revolve around ego.  Our ego is a big deal–our self-centeredness is readily apparent to other people.  Sadly, many leaders who need to experience a healthy “ego check” are blissfully unaware of their shortcomings.  They are happy to bend the truth a bit for a good story, or a good outcome–or a sale. 

Another question for salespeople: Can you let the sale go if it’s not in the best interest of the customer?  When I was selling, I sometimes let my competitiveness or my need to win (or my ego) get the best of me.  I convinced myself everyone should have my product–even if they weren’t great prospects. So with that mindset, sale made, but did I help someone who probably wasn’t going to use what I was selling?  No. 

If you can put other people’s needs before yours, it will go well for you.  At Southwestern, we call it a service-orientation: thinking of what you can do for them, not for yourself.  Hopefully, you picked up on this theme during Sales School training.  As Edwin Markham said, “There is a destiny among us that makes us brothers.  No one goes his way alone.  What we put into the lives of others, comes back into our own.”  Think: am I primarily self-centered , or am I other-centered?   If you’re not sure, ask a close friend you trust and who will be candid with you.

I confess my first few summers with Southwestern as a student manager, my focus was on myself.  I did not get “service-mindedness.”  Whether it was youthful immaturity or a heart set on self-gratification (or both), I don’t know.  What I do know is true leadership, as Stephen Covey defines it, seeks first to understand, then to be understood.  The focus is not on yourself, but on helping someone else.  These seven questions might help you become aware of some poor leadership traits you’ve developed.  Remember, awareness is half the battle in making positive changes in your life.  I welcome your comments!

• Peace of mind
• Love
• A sense of security
• Fear of loss
• Providing a good environment for their children 

Try asking feeling-oriented questions. 

All of these reasons are also feelings.  In the Southwestern introduction phase of the cycle of selling, try inserting a couple feeling-oriented questions: 

1. “Mrs. Jones, what is most important when it comes to your children and their education?”
2. “A lot of moms have told me that, by why is it important to you?” 

Ask these questions after you’ve established rapport.  To the first, prospects will likely give you “standard” answers—in the Southwestern example, she’ll probably say, “…to get a good job” or “…to help them prepare for a career.”  You want to dig deeper.  Question #2 does that.  In essence, you’re saying, “Thanks for the nice, generic answer, but really…can we talk?”  The first question opens up the topic; the follow up question goes deeper and is more personal.

If the prospect responds with a feeling level answer, you are getting somewhere.  “I didn’t finish school and it’s always bothered me.”  You have touched an emotional topic.  You can draw her out by asking, “Tell me more.”  If she responds with: “I’ve always felt the only thing that cost more than a good education is not having one.”  Hot button!  I would follow up with: “Wow, Mrs. Jones, that’s pretty profound—why do you feel that way?” Why questions help at this point. Get them talking and keep them talking.  NOTE: Learn to recognize an emotional topic when you hear it; a conversation can be emotional in nature yet be visibly unemotional, if that makes sense.  She will probably not burst into tears. 

If you have examples, please comment!  Remember, the more she discusses her situation, her children, her challenges, her feelings, the better.  With this new knowledge, you can better show how your product can help fill her needs—in the Southwestern example, her educational needs.

In order of conversational depth, here are four areas/topics people discuss: 

1.      Things

2.      People

3.      Ideas

4.      Feelings

Let’s explore these conversational levels. 

Things are easy: the weather, local events, what you do for a living—all these are “safe” conversation points.   Talking about people is slightly more volatile, especially if they are controversial, but everyone spends a lot of time talking about other people.   

Now defcon 3: Ideas.  Ideas are more complex still, since you can be venturing into emotional areas.  Remember asking a mom something innocuous, like: “So, Betty, how do you feel about the school system here?”  And Boom!  You get an earful, since you waded into the arena of ideas, specifically education. 

Finally, there is level 4—feelings.  Few people openly talk about their feelings, especially with a college student who is sitting in their living room.  BUT, it pays to address her emotions.  People buy for emotional reasons, and justify their decisions with logic.   

Why do people buy things?  Using Southwestern as an example, Mrs. Jones buys because she has 1) a loving obligation to provide for her children and 2) a sense of responsibility for her children and their lives.   These reasons are also feelings.  How you get her to tap into a “feeling level” will be discussed in the next blog.  Stay tuned and feel free to comment—it will help our other Southwestern salespeople!

If you attended Southwestern‘s Sales Schools recently, you may recall Nicholas Boothman sharing the idea that before a prospect buys anything, they have to buy you!  If they like you, prospects will look for opportunities to say “yes.”

To that end, Tom Hoobyar, NLP Master Practitioner and blogger, shares six good insights about becoming likeable:

1 – The biggest secret of popularity is to give your whole-hearted attention to the other person.

2 – The second biggest secret of being well liked is to forget yourself completely and become genuinely interested in other people.

3 – The third big secret of being popular with others is to learn to listen with everything you’ve got.

4 – The fourth big secret of popularity is not to be a know-it-all.  “I didn’t know that!” are magic words.

5 – The fifth big secret of being popular is to admit your mistakes, especially if someone has been hurt or inconvenienced. It’s good to apologize even when it’s not your fault.

6 – The sixth big secret is to say “Thank you” every chance you get.

Everybody cares about himself or herself, so as long as you make someone feel comfortable and interesting, you will be liked and accepted.  You can practice this with any other person; it just takes two of you.  If you’re on the bookfield, focus on getting Mrs. Jones to like you! 

Your likeability is the foundation for trust–one key to a Southwestern sale.

The first three suggestions listed above are attitudinal–they are habits; they are choices.  They take effort.  It’s easy to have a self-centered attitude.  It’s harder to be service-minded (see #6 above).  It’s easy to be negative.  It takes energy to remain positive and “other-oriented.”  What’s the payoff?  People will like you.  They will want to be around you.  They will want to buy from you.  Repeatedly. 

My first summer with Southwestern, I experienced success and failure to a degree depending on my mental choices.  When I entered a home with units/sales on my mind, more often than not, I did not sell.  Mrs. Jones came up with a variety of objections to throw my way.  Why?  I was attempting to sell her (my sales side) rather than serve her.  People want to interact with your human side first, then your sales side.  The human side–the likeable you–is the part of you they trust and will respond to. 

When you’re with a prospect, get them to like you!  Your human side is much more appealing than leading with your sales side.  Look them in the eye and smile!  Listen with everything you’ve got!  Be grateful for their time.  Let me know your thoughts on the subject of being well-liked.  Southwestern students and alumni, feel free to comment.

Hey Southwestern students, sales managers, alumni and executives!  Here is a short, pithy article from John Maxwell’s leadership blog.  This is great advice for people who have to present to audiences or make group presentations.  It is also great sales advice when you’re in a one-on-one Southwestern demonstration.   Avoid the ya-da ya-da’s.

Communicating 101 [read "Southwestern Company Sales Tips 101"]

“Instructions for making a speech: Be sincere; be brief; be seated.” 

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

In Communication, Speaking Overtime Is a Crime, so…SAY IT SOONER

Mark Twain once attended a church service during which the city missionary passionately appealed for donations to aid the community’s poor.

“The appeal had so stirred me that I could hardly wait for the [offering] plate to come my way. I had four hundred dollars in my pocket, and I was anxious to drop it in the plate and wanted to borrow more. But the plate was so long in coming my way that the fever-heat of beneficence was going down lower and lower – going down at the rate of a hundred dollars a minute. The plate was passed too late. When it finally came to me, my enthusiasm had gone down so much that I kept my four hundred dollars – and stole a dime from the plate. So, you see, time sometimes leads to crime…”

The long-winded preacher had persuaded Twain, but then proceeded to drone on for so long that he nullified the appeal his message. The moral of the story? Be brief.

In Communication, Complexity Is Creepy, so…SAY IT SIMPLER

When communicators try to say too much they creep away from their main idea. Too many points and principles muddy the message. Communicators need to adjust their volume—not by raising their decibel level, but by cutting back on their amount of content. Our words purchase the most when spent sparingly.

In Communication, Audiences Are Forgetful, so…SAY IT STICKIER

Great speakers communicate memorable messages that stick in the minds of the audience. Don’t be lazy and merely share information; put in the energy and effort to say things in an interesting way. Couch your core ideas in catchy slogans that the audience can quickly latch onto and easily recall. Use shocking statements or statistics to lower your predictability and pique the interest of listeners. Finally, and most importantly, craft your speech in a way that connects with the wants of the audience. People perk up and pay attention when they hear something that addresses their deeply felt needs.

Get to the point!  Be succinct and memorable.  Then be quiet.  How many of us have talked ourselves out of a sale because we spoke too much?  Blah, blah, blah.  How many of us have watched entire rows of students fall asleep in Southwestern’s Sales School because we loved the sound of our voices?  I welcome comments or examples.

Southwestern Company students: Don’t saturate Mrs. Jones with too many words–take heed of this sage advice!

Hey Southwestern Company Recruiters!  Ever had one of those info sessions when the energy in the room just fizzled?  You full-timers, have you called on Southwestern Company Student Managers at the conclusion of your info session who delivered gripping testimonials, like: “I really learned a ton.  About people.”

Wow.  That makes me want to join!

Most student manager responses to ”What did you gain from the program?”  Or, “what did you appreciate most about your experience?”, are lame.  “Uh…I learned a lot about communication skills…”.  Open a window!  These kind of bland statements don’t deliver the kind of message you want as you wrap your explanation of the program.

So here’s a little formula that works.  When the person conducting the info session asks, “_______, what did you gain from your first summer?”,  here’s how I’d suggest you answer:

1)  “Well, what scared me most was…(then relate one of your fears to what the first years in the room are probably feeling).  Example: “leaving home for the first time” or “not having a guaranteed salary.”

2)  “But what gave me confidence was…(then relate a confidence-builder).  Example: “I felt like if they could teach 2500 other college students to do this every year since the Civil War, they could teach me.”  Choose your own.

3)  “But what I gained/learned was…(then answer the original question–be specific and forceful!)  Example: “I really came home with more self-confidence–confidence to present in class, confidence to ask someone out, even confidence to become an officer in my fraternity.”  Develop your own answers, but be sure they involve some feeling and conviction!  You’ll know you’re giving a good testimonial when you see the prospects nodding their heads in agreement.

Give this a try.  You’ll find your closing percentage just might go up.  Do you have good info session finishers?  How does your org do this?  Please share with us at Southwestern Company!