“What does it take to succeed? Apparently a whole lot of failure. Paul Tough, in the New York Times, reports educational leaders who believe that knowing how to fail is the secret to success. Dominic Randolph, who leads an expensive, top ranked private school in New York City, is concerned about students that have known nothing but success. He states:

Whether it’s the pioneer in the Conestoga wagon or someone coming here in the 1920s from southernItaly, there was this idea inAmericathat if you worked hard and you showed real grit, that you could be successful. Strangely, we’ve now forgotten that. People who have an easy time of things, who get 800s on their SAT’s, I worry that those people get feedback that everything they’re doing is great. And I think as a result, we are actually setting them up for long-term failure. When that person suddenly has to face up to a difficult moment, then I think they’re screwed, to be honest. I don’t think they’ve grown the capacities to be able to handle that.

These kids don’t know how to fail because they’ve never done it. Therefore, when things get outside their comfort zone, or they first encounter people more capable than they are, they have no skills for dealing with it. We talk a lot about hard work, but school grading generally ends up being based on how well you did on the test, not about how much effort it took to get there or how persistent someone was.

But wait, don’t we want to hire those people who are naturally brilliant and don’t need a lot of hard work to be successful? Well, sure, except that if they don’t know how to fail they are going to be awfully difficult to work with. We hear this complaint from those who employ Generation Y. Many of their parents (and their schools) saw to it that failure wasn’t an option. Everything was fixed or extra credit given or forgotten lunches brought to school.

The ability to bounce back from failure is a key point. But, what if you’ve never failed? What if your parents fix every problem you ever have? What if you never gain this valuable skill? Then you’re far less likely to have true success.  If you’ve never had to try again and again, are you going to assume that the problem is unsolvable if you fail the first time?

Lots of people live charmed lives as long as their parents are pulling the strings or they put themselves in places where success is almost guaranteed. Except that anyone in the working world today knows that failure is not only a possibility it’s a high probability. Businesses fail. Entire divisions get laid off, regardless of how brilliant any individual employee was.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of trying to figure out what the problem in the darn code is.  If you’re a one try and you’re finished type of person, it doesn’t matter how smart you are, you won’t succeed.

And what happens if you’re one of those people who has never failed? Never had to face disappointment and pick yourself up by your own bootstraps? It can be disastrous. But, to succeed you must be able to fail and recover from failure.”

I think of the many college students I interviewed over the years who never sold with Southwestern–it was sad their parents ran interference for them.  Even more sad, these same students who were “protected” from Southwestern summer setbacks, were often shell-shocked when they hit their first career.  I welcome your thoughts and experiences!  I am thankful my parents allowed me the opportunity to fail that first summer with Southwestern.

We just launched another 700 eager students this week–on their way to success and fortune!

Now, for those Southwestern dealers who are just getting started: prepare to struggle.  Someone once said, “A job worth doing is worth doing badly, at first.” So it is with learning to sell.  You may remember my Dirt Pile talk, and I thought a quick flashback might be instructive to our neophyte sellers:

Remember when you played sports?  Remember the workouts, the two-a-days, the weights, the wind sprints, the “no-breathers” (swimming), those end of practice “suicides”?  After your off-season, getting in shape was tough–remember?  What kept you going?

Somewhere in your brain you decided a couple things…

1) It is worth it.

2) I’ll get better.

You decided that the pain, fear, frustration, and upset-ness would decrease and your feeling of success would eventually increase.  During my first summer with Southwestern, I remember oftentimes leaving without a sale, and forcing some affirmations out of my mouth: “I can, I will, and I’m going to be successful at this!”  I affirmed, out loud, what I wanted to happen.

Now, think back to when you were just learning a new skill–like playing a musical instrument.  Were you great at first?  Ready for a recital?  No!  Your fingering was lousy, your scales sounded like you were using your fists.  Learning to play was slow and awkward.  So here’s a corollary: “A job worth doing, is also worth doing awkwardly, at first.” Essentially, we’ve given you just a few sales lessons and now you’re giving 20-minute recitals in Mrs. Jones’ home!  Ouch.  Awkward!

It’s OK to be frustrated–you can spend hours contemplating the decision to sell on your own personal “dirt pile”, but remember the helpful thoughts you had when you were getting in shape for sports or learning to play a new instrument: It is worth it.  I’ll get better. Your belief in your goal helped you persevere.  Your belief in your ability to improve helped you stick with it. 

So, if you’re new to selling, whether it’s Southwestern or retail or route sales, remember you’ll improve if you believe in yourself and the process.  Stick with it and guard your thoughts!

• Step #1: Don’t believe that it’s “real”. Rejection is essentially a subjective experience — your emotion reaction to your interpretation of events. Once you understand that it’s just an emotion, rejection loses much of its power.
• Step #2: Differentiate between valid and invalid rejection. If the rejection is based upon something valid (like your basic approach), then blame your approach and then change it.  If the rejection is invalid — as when a prospect “dumps” frustration on you — it has nothing to do with you.
• Step #3: Believe in your offering. If you believe in what you’re selling, then it’s no big deal if somebody doesn’t need it, doesn’t want it, or just thinks that they don’t need or want it.  It’s not about you, it’s about them, because what you’re selling is worthwhile and important.
• Step #4: Believe in your own importance. It’s easy to feel rejected when “important” people (like CEOs) don’t want to meet with you.  But if you’re selling something valuable that can really help that firm, you’re as important as the CEO.  So what if that CEO is too dumb to see it?  That’s his problem!

When I was refused (aka rejected), I immediately began some mental gymnastics.  A few affirmations (out loud) came in handy:

• “They must be having a tough day–tougher than mine.”
• “Something about this call is going to make me better.”
• “I can, I will, and I’m going to have a good day.”

Then, I switched to better questions, because good questions always provide good answers:

• “How can I learn from this encounter so this will never happen again?”
• “What do I want to happen?”
• “What’s not perfect yet?”
• “How can I turn things around?”

As always, “how” questions are superior to “why” questions.  Examples: “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why can’t I give good demonstrations?”  These are terrible questions; ask a bad question and your brain will give you a bad answer.

What’s your strategy for insulating yourself against the feeling of rejection?  Please share your thoughts, strategies, or comments!

One young lady from Russia piped up and said [read this in a thick Russian accent], “The second summer would be better than thees one, because, as vee say in my country, ‘The first pancake is always bad.’” 

I liked it.  Her proverb is true isn’t it?

Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly, at first.  The first pancake you create generally is over or undercooked and may not be the best shape either.  So it is with the first go-round at Southwestern: over or underdone summers.  Sometimes students come out of their first experience in different shapes.

If you’re selling, more than likely it’s going to take some time to master the skills–probably more than one summer!  If you’re recruiting, you may blow the initial conversation with a friend.  Your first series of phone calls to prospect may be largely crappy.  Your first interviews will probably not be ideal.  (The first group interview I held, I was 0-5–not the best “closing percentage.”)

Get beyond the first try.  Get to the second pancake. 

I would love to mandate a two year minimum stint at Southwestern once a student joins the team.  Why?  Because it takes time to get good at selling!  Some students catch on right at the end of the summer–then there’s no time to excel.  A second go-round would be better.  If you’ve ever re-taken a class, generally you do better the second time.   Why?  This time you’re familiar with the prof, the class, how he/she grades.  Odds are you improve.

So remember, all things are difficult before they are easy.  “The first pancake is always bad.”

I’ll tell you the greatest secret to my success and the biggest reason most people fail.  It’s not lack of desire, big dreams or even motivation.  It is not a fear to sign up, try or to even get started.  People go to seminars, buy books, join gyms, start diet programs or sign up for a new business opportunity.  Starting is not the problem.  Staying is.  A commitment to consistency is the key.  My definition of commitment is doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.  People get excited, they get started, maybe even experience some success, but then they stop or stall.  That start-and-stop process kills momentum and destroys progress in every pursuit–that’s true in your relationships, in your wealth-building plan, with your diet and fitness, and it’s most certainly true in building a direct selling organization.

Hardy goes on to say:

It’s not about who gets started first or fastest, but about who can repeat the simple disciplines, the core fundamentals, over and over, consistently over time….That is why the tortoise beats the hare every time–not because the tortoise is more talented, experienced or faster, but because the tortoise is simply and relentlessly consistent.

I think about the student dealers in the Southwestern Program.  Why do we give the “I Wanna Win” award to those who have their best sales at the end of their summer?  Because it’s harder to finish than to begin.  The greatest feeling in the world is finishing strongly–to acknowledge that you have “left it all out on the field”.  That you’ve spent yourself doing your best.  (By the way, we do not have an “I Wanna Begin” award because it’s easy to start things–way harder to finish.)

Please share your strategies on how you maintain your focus, effort and energy while you sell!

“When we succeed, we party; when we fail, we ponder.”

This underscores the value of failing.  Falling short of our expectations causes us to evaluate what we did incorrectly and to make adjustments. 

I came across an interesting piece from Fast Company.  In it, Alex Bogusky, co-chairman of Crispin Porter + Bogusky suggests that there is little or no value in failing.  He, in fact, never allows his team to study their failures–he only focuses on successes.  For companies which spend lots of time analyzing failures, Bogusky says “you create a fearful culture where you spend a lot of time looking at where you screwed up,” he says.  Speaking at an innovation forum, Bogusky turned Robbins’ thesis upside down.  Check out his comments here. 

So which is it?  Do we learn more from our successes or our failures? 

I say: from both!  Context is everything.  Certainly my daughter learned quickly when she (successfully) reached up and put her hand on our very hot stove!  She pondered her failure as we drove to the clinic, and has never made the same mistake again.  On the other hand, there is value in reviewing what caused success.  When we have a good year at Southwestern, or as a marketing team, we always evaluate afterwards and ponder what we did well and what we could improve on.

Covey suggests taking time each week to reflect.  He recommends thinking about what worked and what didn’t and what you could do to improve.  As long as there is reflection and evaluation, both success and failure can be learning opportunities.

In selling, the emotional weight we attach to our sales calls–how we label our experiences–makes all the difference.  There is no failure, only feedback.  If we miss a sale and tell ourselves, “I failed.” or “I’m not good at selling”, it adds a negative emotional dimension to our memory (and our future behavior).  If we miss a sale and tell ourselves, “I learned from this encounter–I’m learning tons!”, this creates the sense that the sales call has been a success, a learning experience, rather than an outright failure. 

What are your thoughts on this topic?  I welcome your comments.

When I was selling with Southwestern Company as a college student, I learned to take emotional pain in stride.  One of my favorite affirmations was: “Something about today will help me become a better father, a better teacher, a better husband…”.  In other words, I was attempting to put frustrating circumstances into perspective–I was trying to reframe the situation.   I told myself, “Someday this will be funny–it’ll make a great story.”  (Some of you may remember The Dirt Pile story, as an example.) 

Most of us survived those sales ordeals, and the fact that we went through them made us better.  Think about it–most of the stuff you’ve been through by way of pain has had a refining element to it.  If you workout, you can relate to what I’m saying–you push yourself, you strain your muscles, you experience pain.  (During my workouts with the Masters Swim Team, I often wonder why I’m swimming at 52…).  When you’re finished, when the pain ends, you feel good, you look better, your resting heart rate is low, endorphins flood your body.  (In my case, you smell like Eau de Chlorine.)  When you compete and win, all the pain you went through is now minimized and in perspective.

And now to the world of music!  I was listening to Alanis Morissette the other day while driving.  If you’re a fan of hers, you can hear the pain and anger–especially in her earlier work.  Alanis has faced some life challenges, but has worked through them and is even thankful for the experience.  Check out the chorus of her song, “Thank U” :

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

If you’re experiencing a tough period in your sales/recruiting career, be thankful!  What you’re experiencing is on purpose.  Pain is a teacher.  Difficult circumstances are the great Kiln of Life, and your “impurities” are being burned out–like dross.  Be thankful, instead of put out, by your circumstances.

Do you have a story or comment about the positive side of negative circumstances?  Share!

I was selling in Maine that summer, and from the outset I violated this principle.  When I was scheduled to work the first week I instead chose to “get organized.”  This threw me off (in Southwestern Company parlance it’s called “off-schedule”)  Sales were a bit slow; I attributed that, in part, to fatigue, so…I took short naps in my car (I know I’m not the only salesperson in the world who’s done this).  Next, I noticed that my tires were going a bit bald from the long trek to Maine.  Poor decision #3: the purchase of two new tires-safety, right?!  I rationalized this too.  This pattern continued and my sales reflected it. 

So what about those things we want the most: recognition, better pay, a feeling of accomplishment-of doing your best?  More often than not, salespeople opt for those things we want in the moment-we sacrifice our long-term goals for our short-term desires.   Perhaps for me it was “call reluctance”–call it what you like, but this tendency to rationalize our goals away is deadly in sales & in life.  

How do you handle these decisions at critical junctures?  The first time you cheat on a test, it’s difficult–the tenth time, it’s not so tough.  How do you prioritize your life?  Remember, the chief cause of failure in life (sales) is sacrificing what you want the most, for what you want at the moment.  

I welcome your strategies which help you stay on purpose!

Years ago, I attended an NLP seminar (that’s neuro-linguistic programming).  One of the quotes the leader presented was, “There is no failure, only feedback.”  That thought reminded me of my second summer selling books.  I had two roommates.  They were both working in the same county, in very similar socio-economic sales areas.  One roommate would come home nearly every night declaring, “I hate this.  This is the worst area-no one cares about education.  And I suck at selling!”  He verbalized his belief that he was failing. 

My other roommate was also experiencing significant challenges, but his self-talk was different–he declared after some of his worst days: “Man, I’m learning tons!”  What a difference!  One salesman labeled his missed sales “failures”; the other labeled them “feedback”.  Which one do you think finished the summer…? 

There is no failure, only feedback. 

How do you label your sales efforts?  What do you tell yourself post-call?  Do you beat yourself up, noticing what you messed up or executed poorly?  Or do you catch yourself doing things right?  If you consider your setbacks as useful feedback on what didn’t work, your confidence will remain intact.  On the other hand, if you label your mistakes as failures, your confidence will erode.  In sales, confidence is a key component. 

Think of the mental difference between “failing” and “learning”.  Consider what you’re learning as you make calls, give presentations, and close sales.  If you feel you’re making progress, it will be easier to work through those difficult sales periods.  I’d be interested in your experiences and comments….

CNN: When you were talking to the students, you spoke a lot about being fearless.

Costner: Their choices are going to be questioned not only by their colleagues, but by their parents. You only get one shot at this life. They can go to college and learn a lot of things, but they should also be encouraged to try things, even if they don’t succeed. I am trying — even if I don’t succeed. You know, failure is completely underrated in America. (smiles)

“Failure is completely underrated in America.” What you are doing on the campuses is giving young people the opportunity to experience the possibility of failure. Courage and self-confidence in the face of that possibility will be an essential trait throughout their lives. And we all know if they will do the things we can teach them and show them how to do, they will not fail. They will have confronted the possibility, and then through their own efforts (and with the help of everyone in our company who works so hard to assist them) triumph over it.