Dealing with stuckness during a Southwestern summer.

I travel to many weekend meetings during the summer.  On Sundays, I always meet with Southwestern students–many of whom are struggling–with their self-imposed limitations, with their belief levels in selling, with feelings of frustration because they’re not hitting their goals.  Invariably, they’re in a mental “death-loop”: their self-talk is negative, which leads to a mental image of what they don’t want, which leads to an outcome or action that confirms their self-talk!  A self-fulfilling sales prophecy that is limiting.

We’ve all done this in some way if we’ve sold with Southwestern: You look at a house and think to yourself: “I know I’m not going to get in.”  You form a mental picture of this negative outcome.  You muster up the courage anyway, knock and shock–you didn’t get in; then you tell yourself: “See! I knew that wouldn’t work.”  We don’t get what we want; we get what we picture.

So my PC (personal conference) might sound like this:

Me: “Tell me what’s happening.”

Student: “I just can’t get in doors.  People don’t let me in.  Ever.”

Me: “Really.  No one ever lets you in.”"

Student: “Well…some do.”

Me: “Tell me more.”

They go on to describe their stuckness in great detail.  Using all kinds of universal statements, like “everyone”, “no one”, “always” and “never”.  First person, present tense, with emotion.  All their assertions reinforce what they don’t want!

I finally counter with a key question: “What do you want to happen?” 

This usually brings an abrupt halt to their sad monologue.  Southwestern students who are locked into their mental morass are not often looking for solutions, and the new question interrupts their train of thought. They are wallowing in self-pity and a vicious self-defeating cycle.  After I ask, “What do you want to happen?” they typically give their right answer.  Example: “I want to get in doors so I can make a sale.”

My reply? “Great, let’s talk about how to do that.”  A how-to question allows us both to explore options and think about what the Southwestern student can do differently to reach a different outcome.  Most people who are suffering from stuckness are in the “why-question” mode: “why is this happening to me?” or “why can’t I get in doors?”  Breaking their state a bit with an entirely new question–”what do you want to happen?”–can launch the conversation into a much more useful area: the how-to-fix-this area.

If you’re selling (or studying or working out or feeling bad about yourself) and you’re mentally stuck, you don’t need me to PC you.  Ask yourself, “What do I want to happen?” or “How do I want to feel?”  Your brain will begin to give new & improved answers.  Thoughts?  Comments?  Southwestern veterans, chime in and let me know if this makes sense!

Here’s a principle of human nature that can be useful in these moments.  NLP shows us that questions are the answer.  When our brain hears a question, no matter how unthinkable, it automatically imagines an answer.  Try it for yourself — pick something you don’t think you can do, or do well.  Then, ask yourself this question: “What would it be like if I could do _________ really well?”  Example: “What would it be like if I could sell really well?”  Or “What would it be like if I were really bold when it came to building a team?”

Your brain automatically imagines what it would be like — it can’t help it.  It’s automatic.  And it moves your mind from the frozen position of “impossible” to one of, “what would it be like if…?” and that’s a much more resourceful state to be in.  Belief is a funny thing.  Our brain always looks for evidence to support our thoughts.  We must be careful what we think about our sales ability or our ability to build a Southwestern team.  When we make statements to ourselves, like “I could never sell like _________” (insert name of top producer), we tend to believe it.  To ask, “What would it be like if I could sell like ______?”  At once our brain shifts from “stuckness” to “unstuckness.”   We imagine answers rather than limits.

After you begin to imagine what it would be like if you did have that skill or ability, then it might be useful to ask, “And how would I do that?”  Hmmm.   More potential answers and useful thoughts!  You might decide to phone up that top producer and ask them how they do it.  You might ask to follow them on the field for a day and model their behavior and/or attitude.  You might ask them what they think about all day long and compare it to what you normally ponder.  Once you get unstuck with the “what would it be like if I…” question, you can switch to “how” questions.

You can use this rut-breaking question in all areas of life.  What would it be like if you could really be focused when you study?  What would it be like if you could play Call of Duty 3 really well?  How about the realm of dating: what would it be like if you were really confident about asking cool people out?  Think about it.  What works for you?  Send me a comment!  Southwestern is not the only context where this mental agility applies.

Before my first summer with Southwestern, my manager Jake trained me on the principle of self-talk. Self-talk is prevalent throughout the culture of Southwestern, and it’s a very simple idea. We all have a natural tendency as human beings to think negative thoughts: “This family will probably blow me off, too.” “They probably won’t need the books, either.” “Nobody in my turf has any money.” In a cold-calling sales job, the negative thoughts can get especially ugly: “Why are so many people telling me no? What’s wrong with me?” “I suck at this and I suck at life. I should just give up.”

If we don’t do something to control this kind of negative thinking, we end up hurting our sales and ourselves. The way we are taught in Southwestern to control this is with positive self-talk: saying positive words and phrases OUT LOUD. Why? Because it’s impossible to think something negative while at the same time saying something positive, and for some reason, our brain is more likely to believe something we say than something we think. (Positive action precedes positive thinking.)

But despite the major benefits of self-talk, few people actually use it. Many feel awkward talking to themselves in public, and others have tried but have found it to be unsuccessful. Surprisingly, the answer to both objections is the same.

Self conversation is the key to Southwestern sales success.

Here’s the key to making self-talk work: self-conversation. No, that doesn’t mean having a two-part conversation where you play both the lead and supporting actor (though you could, if that’s what floats your boat). It means not preaching to yourself, but actually believing what you say and simply explaining it to yourself. Let me give you an example.

My worst summer in sales, I used self-talk every single day. I said things like, “It works if I’m working, and I’m working, so it’ll work.” “I do everything right.” “People like me, they like my books, and they buy them.” Contrast that with my best summer, where I used self-conversation every day. I said things like, “It works if I’m working, and I’m working, so it’ll work.” “I do everything right.” “People like me, they like my books, and they buy them.”

Now, this is hard to convey via the written word, so bear with me and use your imagination. My tone of voice when uttering these phrases during my worst summer was often similar to the tone one hears from a father severely disciplining a delinquent child. The implication was, “Jaselyn, you’re so dumb, why do I have to remind you of this stuff? Quit trying and start doing, you idiot!” Other times it had a sense of desperation, as if by saying these words enough times, I could magically force people to start buying my books. The result was people uninterested in spending time with someone who didn’t even want to spend time with herself, and a frustratingly low volume of sales and high volume of cancellations.

The difference during my best summer was that rather than lecturing myself or pleading in desperation for a sale, I was simply stating a fact. I was simply reminding myself every now and then of how things are. And the strange part is I felt a lot less awkward saying the phrases. They seemed natural and normal because I believed what I was saying. As a result, every approach felt natural and relaxed, and I had a lot of fun with each family I met, whether they bought or not. But most of them did.

So how do you use self-talk effectively? By making it conversational and believing what you are saying.

So, for your own sake, use some positive self-conversation. Have fun with yourself and your customers, and keep those pesky negative thoughts away.

Also, feel free to share any of your favorite positive phrases in the comments section. Thanks for reading our Southwestern sales blog!

“He conquers who endures.”  –Persius 

“The odds are with us if we keep on trying.”  –DeGreen 

“It helps to consider ourselves on a very long journey: the main thing is to keep to the faith, to endure, to help each other when we stumble or tire, to weep and press on.”  –Mary Caroline Richards 

“No, there is no failure for the man who realizes his power; who never knows when he is beaten; there is no failure for the determined endeavor; the unconquerable will.  There is no failure for the man who gets up every time he falls, who rebounds like a rubber ball, who persists when every one else gives up, who pusher on when everyone else turns back.”  –Orison Swett Marden 

“Don’t quit.”  –Mort Utley 

“I get knocked down, but I get up again…!”   –Chumbawamba 

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”  –Confucius 

“You become a champion by fighting one more round.  When things are tough, you fight one more round.”  –James Corbett 

“I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith!”  –St. Paul 

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success.  They quit on the one yard line.  They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”  –Ross Perot

“But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.  And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!  (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)”  –Dr. Suess 

There is value in persistence.  What thoughts or quotes motivate you to continue to work when you don’t feel like it?  Southwestern alumni, current Southwestern students: feel free to comment!

1)  wish you were somewhere else, doing something else

In other words, avoid being present!  Let your mind drift off to home, to greener pastures, to more pleasant activities.  (Remember sitting in the classroom back at school, gazing out the window, and not paying attention to what was happening in the lecture?)

2)  ponder your defeats

It’s easy to catch yourself doing something wrong.  We all tend to dwell on our misteaks (I know, I was just testing you).  What’s far more difficult is to notice your victories and what you’ve done well that day.

3)  get really satisfied with your production

My first summer selling with the Southwestern Company, I did well–for the first 90% of the summer.  Then I had a rather destructive thought.  It was, “Wow. I’ve made three times more money than I made last summer.”  I suddenly felt rich.  My drive, my competitive nature, my interest–all flagged.  And my last two weeks selling that summer were in survival mode.  “Satisfied-itis” had set in.

4)  compare yourself to top salespeople

In order to really feel less than adequate, use phrases like: “If only I could sell like _______ ,” or “Why can’t I sell like ______?”  If you ask a bad question, your brain will provide a bad answer.  Remember, you are not your units.  You are not your production.

5)  tell yourself you suck at sales

It’s impossible to perform well while at the same time reminding yourself how bad you are at the task.  Imagine the result if your self-talk about driving was, “I am a bad driver.  I just have wrecks.  Accidents happen to me all the time.  Man, I can’t drive.”  Then you start the ignition.  Change your self-talk!  You want the right kind of self-fulfilling prophecy when it comes to your sales.

Do you have more strategies to fail?  Feel free to comment–just avoid the suggestions!

The grass is green.  Birds are chirping.  The weather is warming up (no, I’m not talking about climate change) and I can leave the windows open at night.  It’s time again for Southwestern Company’s annual Sales School!  This year we’re slated to have nearly 2,800 students in for sales training from all over the world.

So here’s a question for Southwestern Company students and alumni: at this time of the year how do/did you feel going into a summer of selling?  Everyone I know has a different emotional reaction to the notion of selling books.

What is the best emotional state to be in prior to a sales challenge? 

Think back to a time you competed, or remember a time you had to perform.  Got it in mind?  When you performed well, you probably felt a mixture of positive anticipation and light anxiety.  When did this go away?  Most athletes will tell you, “when the gun went off” or “when the competition began”.   Most performers say their anxiety left when the show began.

If you are all jazzed and excited, but haven’t “counted the cost” and thought through the challenge properly, you’re overconfident.  If on the other hand, you throw up every time you ponder your upcoming event, you’re taking it a bit seriously.  Worry is rarely a productive state to be in.  There is a happy medium. 

Before a good summer, I visualized what I wanted to happen.  I reviewed my goals.  I got excited about the long range outcome of what the summer sacrifice would entail.  I pictured my team in checkout, the awards banquet, where I would be in the superstar book…. 

I also remembered (briefly) how difficult a Southwestern summer was, how hot it got, how heavy the bag was, how taking a team to the field would pose a multitude of  frustrations, how tired I felt….  I’d say I was about 85% excited about the summer challenge and about 15% anxious.  It seemed to be a mix that worked for me.  I felt ready.

What’s your proper mix?  How do you get emotionally prepared for a sales challenge?  Think!  Is it a vague sense of impending doom or is it an experience you’re leaning into?  How can you get excited and prepared to perform?!  Share your thoughts and help others.

Whether you’re demonstrating a product, or conducting your 2000^th information session with The Southwestern Company, there comes a point in most salespeople/recruiter’s lives where your closing percentage drops off.  

“That’s a nice set of books, but…”

“The Southwestern program sounds OK, but…”

“You’re a real good salesperson, but…” 

Ouch.  We’ve all heard a variation of these.  Where are we missing the boat?  Chances are we are simply selling people logically, but not emotionally (see future blog).  What can be done? 

When I was a sales manager with Southwestern, I noticed my closing percentage declined—somewhere after spring break.  My Director, Roy Loftin, would fly in, watch my presentations, and then coach me, like this:  

“Boring.  No enthusiasm.” 

What!?  I thought I was doing a vibrant presentation; I thought I was holding them spellbound—evidently not.  So, I made adjustments.  Here a three ways to add zest to your presentations: 

1.  Get re-excited about what you do.  Don’t “curb your enthusiasm”—in fact, make a list of what got you fired up about your work in the first place.  My co-recruiter and I used to hold a psych-up session, complete with choreography, prior to our interviews: “Who’s got the jobs?!  We do!” etc.  (Not exactly Final Four excitement, but we got enthused.) 

2.  Add visuals.  I know many of you at Southwestern hold information sessions orally—without any Powerpoint or visuals.  Guess what?  1)  Most people are visual and 2) you are not a great orator.  You simply can’t hold their attention for over an hour.  So think about adding more senses to your preso or demo.  Some groups use video clips during presentations to enhance the experience.  Think: how can I employ more senses?  Touch? Smell? Taste? 

3.  Get your prospects involved mentally.  Have the prospect do something rather than just listening to your talk.  Let them touch your sample books (I always used to pass them around).  Have them figure out the profit on paper.  Ask lots of questions—this will also save your energy.   

When I got excited again, and made some creative adjustments, my closing percentage magically returned!  What are your ideas to stay fresh and enthusiastic?  You are a creative bunch.  What are you doing to remain zestful in your sales and recruiting efforts?  Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

I fully expected Peyton Manning to win, and handily.  He is one of the best quarterbacks of all time, a true “student of the game”.  Even during games the Colts are winning, he is on the sidelines studying photos of the opposing defenses.  Manning is the consummate professional–cool, calm, collected.  He gets annoyed when his team doesn’t perform perfectly.

As I watched (with all my American Airlines friends at O’Hare airport), I have to admit I nearly gave up on the Saints in the first quarter after they fell behind 10-0.  Manning was taking them apart, moving his offense down the field with the customary surgical precision.  History was against any team overcoming a ten point deficit.  It looked like the confident, technical master was going to prevail over his upstart emotional opponents. 

My plane took off and I knew I’d land to hear Colts celebrating on ESPN.

Was I shocked when the pilot announced that the final score was 31-17…and the Saints had won!  A first time victory for the Saints in their first trip to the Super Bowl.  It was inspiring to hear Brees and his coach, Sean Payton, share their emotions about winning the Lombardi Trophy. 

My assessment?  Attitude and emotion prevailed over technical execution.  The New Orleans Saints simply would not be denied.  They wanted it more.  The excitable Drew Brees and his teammates took on the pressure and prevailed.   He commented after the game:

“Along the way, people have asked me so many times, ‘Do you look at it as a burden or extra pressure? Do you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the city on your teams’ shoulders.’ I said, ‘No, not at all. We look at it as a responsibility.’ Our city, our fans, gave us strength and we owe this to them. … There’s no people that you would want to win for more than the city of New Orleans.”

The Saints had decided in advance they were supposed to win, and their collective positive attitude won the day, and the championship.

Have you known sales people who knew their stuff, who made their calls, who did the demos, but were not performing well?  Sure.  Technically masterful, emotionally flat. 

When I was recruiting as a young sales manager, it seemed every spring my closing percentage would drop off around April.  I got frustrated.  Inevitably, I lamented, “I’m not doing anything different—my presentation is exactly the same as it’s always been!  I don’t know what’s wrong.”  My sales director would fly in, watch me do a presentation, and say, “No enthusiasm.”  Every year I’d then make the fix and my results improved.

If your sales have dropped off, or your recruiting is not up to your own high standards, take a look in the mirror, it may be time for an infusion of emotion and a winning attitude.   Take a lesson from the New Orleans football franchise.  Now all the Colts fans can rail on me.  That’s what the comments are for….  As a bonus, here’s a sample of Drew Brees getting his team ready emotionally.

            In reality we all have points in our lives when we are so on that our “weaknesses” are barely noticeable or are completely non-existent.  Our strengths are all that we see.  We are in the zone.  And then there are some points in our lives where we are just off.  At these times we have no discernable strengths and our weaknesses seem overpowering!  So trying to think through your weaknesses and fix them, or attempting to isolate your strengths and maximize them, can often times be a very frustrating endeavor.  When we are in the zone we feel like we have arrived!  “I did it!  I conquered my weaknesses!”  Then we later get in a funk and the logical conclusion we come to is, “I have accomplished nothing.  I really thought I was getting better this time!”  Instead of isolating what our strengths and weaknesses are, a far more productive exercise is to spend some time answering the following questions:

1)      What am I like when I am on?

2)      What am I like when I am off?

3)      What are my habits when I am on?

4)      What are my habits when I am off?

The first thing that happens after really spending time diving into this exercise is that you will begin to notice when you start to be “off” and will no longer continue to think thoughts that go something like, “There I go again.  I always do that!”  The biggest obstacle most people face in living the life they want to live is taking ownership of their “weaknesses”.  People think that the things they dislike about themselves are somehow hardwired into their DNA.  That isn’t you!  That is you when you are off.  This is empowering because it allows you to take a step back and think through questions 3 and 4.  What have I been doing recently?  What have I not been doing?  For me personally, if I work out first thing in the morning and read a motivational book before breakfast, it is going to be a great day!  If my thoughts are primarily focused on others or focused on long term goals then I am loving life.  I absolutely love my job if I am spending most of my time in front of people, truly listening, and learning new things from every person I meet.  If I am spending a ton of mental energy focused on trivial problems or manifesting negative situations in my mind that “may” unfold; I am irritable, easily frustrated, and generally don’t enjoy life.  This is true in both my career and family life.  This knowledge is power.

      So catch yourself.  Notice when you are starting to slip.  However, it takes more than simply catching yourself in a destructive pattern.  You have to take immediate action!  Get back to the habits that lead to the best version of you.  Go do the things that give you confidence and lead to you loving life.  This seems obvious, and yet the truth about human existence is that it takes much less effort to be neutral or negative than it takes to be positive and optimistic.  But it is worth it.  Life is more fun and more rewarding.  It is all about your habits. 

The reality is that you are always in habit patterns whether good or bad.  If you wake up every morning and decide whether or not to exercise, it is tough!  You are in the habit of indecision.  If you just wake up and do it every single morning for 3 weeks, it will be hardwired into you.  You don’t even think about it.  It is like this in all of your habits.  This is not just about what you do with your mornings.  You are constantly forming habits at work, with your family, with your friends, and with your own thoughts.  So form good ones!  If you struggle in forming these habits in any area, get an accountability partner.  Find some way to hold yourself accountable.  Do whatever it takes.  The key is, DO IT!  Stop procrastinating. Stop saying that you will form good habits next week.  Don’t wait until it becomes convenient.  There is nothing more important than you being the best version of yourself.  It impacts everything.  So what could me more important than forming the habits that lead to this?  Anything that is worth doing in life is bound to be challenging.  However, if you will stop banging your head against the wall trying to determine why you can never get rid of personality trait x, and instead really hone in on the habits that make you great, the battle you will be fighting will at least lead more directly to living life the way you want to live it!

When you’re selling, the same little truth applies.  You have to be present to win.  I’ve seen salespeople who are physically present with the client, but it’s obvious that their head is somewhere else.  They are mentally reliving some sales or personal experience in the past, or they are fretting about future calls. 

I remember many Southwestern Company Sunday meetings I went to.  I rarely enjoyed my day off.  Why?  I was not present.  I was either feeling bad about the week that was over (guilt), or I was anticipating the next week of sales (worry).  It was therefore tough to relax and enjoy the day off…Sundays were merely a countdown until the next week of pressure.

 So how do you sell “in the moment”?  How can you be present with your clients? 

1. Control your self-talk. Remind yourself there’s nothing you can do to alter the past. What’s done is done. Remind your mind that the most important person is your client-focus in on their needs. “It’s hard to be nervous when your mind’s on service.” 

2. Be with people; get in a demonstration! Sitting around “getting organized” or being paralyzed by inaction can multiply your fears. Get in front of a client-make the call. Talking with a customer will help you focus. 

3. “Breathe & Focus”-one of my favorite thoughts from the book, Mind Gym. Author Gary Mack trains top athletes to stay in the moment. “Whenever they feel themselves growing anxious, breathe in energy, breathe out negativity. Breathe in relaxation. Breathe out stress.” 

What ideas do you have to stay “present”?  We all want to win; the challenge is to be where you are.  Share your thoughts.